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17 May 2011

Advanced Sample - Article on the past

Article
The Times newspaper has asked the public to contribute articles for a series in their Sunday magazine supplement. If we make a concerted effort to conserve energy, could we live without electricity?
They wish to receive your views and opinions on this subject. What do YOU think life would be like with no electricity? Send your articles to us at the address below or use the e-mail number.
Write your article.


Back to the past
Can you conceive your life without electricity? Imagine a complete power cutü. Imagine [m1] your house or your job without any artificial light. Imagine hospitals, commercial centres, even the street`s lights, all gone. And now try to assume that this is the new way of living. It sounds like a terrible nightmare, doesn`t it? üü

If this had happen, it would be necessary a complete change [m2] in our world. First of all, if there was no artificial light, we would need to adapt our timetables to the sun hours=. In additionü, a great amount [m3] of jobs would need to be modifiedF. For example, do you know how many people work with computers every day? How many call phones do we make? In my opinion, people would become lost and disoriented without electricity.

But this would beWO not only about jobs. Almost all our entertainmentsG work v+ [m4] with electricity. What do you normally do at home? Watching a film or playing a videogame? Not anymore! We would need to haveü candles everywhere, and of course, no more leftoversü heated in the microwave!

In conclusion, it seems almost impossible for me to imagine our life without electricity. Nowadays, we are used to have [m5]; lots of comforts, most of them dependant on electrical energy and I don`t think that we are ready, materially and mentally;[m6speakingüü, to change it.


Highlight to rad comments
Certainly a 6/10. A couple of translatey bits and a few grammar points to definitely pay attention to (used to, amount vs number/quantity), but the style and content are great.
A rewrite of this, with some of those points addressed (and perhaps rather fewer questions aimed at the reader) would probably hit 8/10 for me.


[m1] I guess this is a delibérate repitition – I kind of like i ton one level, but wonder if “Think of…” might be a better exam option.
[m2] would to have change completely our world – rearrange to make a natural way to say this!
[m3] Uncountable nouns have amounts
[m4] Rely on
[m5] Be very careful of this – an easy trap to fall into. Used is not a verb here so’s not followed by an inf.
[m6] I think english would use psychologically

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